1. You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob" right? But that's how it comes out of the ground. They should call that "corn." They should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Jake." But then reattach it and call it "Jake-all-together!"
2. I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
3. I got an ant farm... them 'fellas didn't grow crap.
4. My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "no, but I want a regular banana later, so ... yeah".
5. Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."
6. I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid back company, so they just said "screw it, cut em up!"
7. Dogs are forever in the push-up position.
8. I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here.
9. Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only the disease you can get yelled at for having. Dang-it Otto you're an alcoholic. Dang-it Otto you have lupus. One of these doesn't sound right.
10. Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamous?